Can you be Depressed and Not know it?

by The Squirrel

I’ve been thinking back a lot, having long memory flashes and I’ve started to wonder if what I felt last year was depression. I didn’t know it then and I know many people say; if you’re depressed, you know it! But I think I didn’t know because I couldn’t remember what being happy was. And I’m not as beaming now as I was in the beginning of 7th grade, but I feel like it is slowly pointing upwards. One problem that is pushing me down is that I’m getting really insecure. I used to be so content with what I have and how I look, but since I came back, everyone’s been telling me that I need to wear make up and I need to do this to get a better image… In India, I didn’t need to wear make up, I had style and I felt good about my self. I need to gain some confidence in my self again. I think it will help me build up to being a joyous person again.

The thing with last year:

Last year,  just before and long after Christmas, I didn’t know what to feel. I was in shock. It felt like I was invisible, like I was lost in a world where I could see everyone, but there was a one-way window between me and them. The air was so thick and throughout the months, all I could think of was getting home. No matter who it was or what it was about, I could barely get my self to care. It was as if I could hardly hear them, as if I had two cups placed on my ears and all I heard were echoes and mumbling. Yet, I didn’t cry or push people out of my life, I acted like nothing had happened and I’m not sure if I was right not to do that. I had been up on this mountain for so long, and it still only took me two hours to fall all the way down to the smashing ground.

I’m not sure how I feel now.